Mom: The amazing ability to hear a sneeze through closed doors, in the middle of the night, three bedrooms away - while daddy snores next to you.You’re going to get it, anyway.” - Erma Bombeck It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality.What was Cleopatra’s favorite day of the year? Mummy’s Day.What sweets do astronaut moms like? Mars bars.What did the lazy boy say to his mom on Mother’s Day when she was about to do the dishes? “Relax mom… you can just do them in the morning.”.Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook.Howard who? Howard you like breakfast in bed mommy? What makes more noise than a child jumping on mommy’s bed? Two children jumping on mommy’s bed!.What did the panda give his mommy? A bear hug.Except for the one that sleeps… I love that one more.” - Unknown “I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something that I can no longer remember because our kids interrupted us 175 times.” - Mommy Owl.“I always remind my kids: Having a weird mom builds character.” - Wellnessmama.“If you’ve never said, ‘You need to back up a little so I can wipe myself,’ do you even have kids?” - Mother Octopus.She knew it was ‘no’ all along and just wanted everyone to STFU.” Mommy: “Mommy will think about it!” / Narrator: “Mommy never thought about it.“If at first you don’t succeed… try doing it the way Mom told you to in the beginning.” - Unknown.Daughter: “Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?” Mother: “I don’t know dear, ask your grandmother.”.“Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?” - Michelangelo’s mother.Do you know anything about this, Goldie?” - Goldilocks’ mother “I’ve got a bill here for a broken chair from the Bear family.But would you listen to me? No!” - Humpty Dumpty’s mother “Humpty, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall.Science teacher: “When is the boiling point reached?” Student: “When my mother sees my report card!”.What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? “It’s time to go to sweep!”.What did Mommy spider say to baby spider? “You spend too much time on the web.”.What did the mama say to the foal? “It’s pasture your bedtime.”.Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!.What did the Mama tomato say to the baby tomato? “Ketchup!”.“How do I explain ? She is as respected as Mother Teresa, as powerful as Stalin, and as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.” - Leslie Knope, Parks & Recreation (2009-2015).A mother said to her son, “Look at that kid over there he’s not misbehaving.” The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”.“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.” - Carrie Underwood.What are the three quickest ways to spread a rumor? The internet, telephone, and telling your mom. ![]() Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long!.Why is a computer so smart? Because it listens to its motherboard.I asked a police recruit during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”.Don’t wake up mom! There are at least seven species that eat their young.Mother: (n.) One person who does the work of 20 for free. ![]() ![]() Daughter: “Mom, I need my personal space!” / Mom: “You came out of my personal space.”. ![]()
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